When it was probably 4 years into our relationship, I found that the topic of rings would come up more and more often with my girlfriends…. We would talk about the cut we wanted (princess for me of course)… gold, white gold or platinum….solitaire diamond or the past-present-future style… baguettes on the side…. And some girls even mentioned that they had gone ring shopping with their boyfriends… Hmph. Ring shopping? People do that? I thought it was supposed to be a surprise! I mean, it’s not like we are buying a ring together! Isn’t it supposed to be gift to me? This perplexed me. I was kind of panicky in a way. I had never gone ring shopping. What did this mean? Did it mean that they were closer to becoming engaged than I was? Whatever it meant, I did not like it! I kep picturing the Sweet Home Alabama Scene where Reese Witherspoon got to pick a ring at Tiffany’s…but that was different, wasn’t it? He was proposing AT Tiffany’s (a much more desirable experience than ring-shopping I would think?).
So, the next time Matt and I were shopping at the mall, as we were passing by a Jewellery store, I asked if we could look inside or even simply window-shop? Of course, we did not. Matt hates shopping so he wanted to get out of the mall asap. I wasn’t sure how I felt about this. I was at that “want-to-engaged-so-badly-but-trying-not-to-be-pushy” point in our relationship so we kept shopping. I think once he said (while we were at home) that we could go one day…but we didn’t. And we never did. And that was that.
There are a couple things that I think about ring-shopping. Although I did try to go myself, we never did. Matt bought a beautiful ring on his own and it could not have been more perfect. I am sure that I would have picked out the same ring had we gone ring-shopping together. When we became engaged, he was so excited when he recounted the details of his solo ring-shopping experience. He did not go to the mall nor did he need my help. He told me about the moment he realized he was going to propose, going out to buy the ring, ordering it, picking out the cut, learning about diamonds, sneaking around so I wouldn’t find out… I loved hearing his story. So, I am glad we did not go ring-shopping.
What I did notice was, if a girl goes ring-shopping with her man, she is sure to bring it up to everyone and may even tell some people that they are planning to be engaged. Well, that is just silly. You planned to be married and when you have made this decision, you are engaged… engaged to be married. You cannot PLAN to be engaged…that is NOT how it works. What would you call this when you have made the decision to become engaged?....an engagement to be engaged? There are a couple things that might be happening here… Number 1) The boy is keeping the girl satisfied. The girl is so pushy and the boy is bringing her ring-shopping instead of buying a ring. The ring-shopping makes the girl happy, she can tell her friends about it, maybe even join the weddingchannel.com and sign up with a fake wedding date so she can plan her wedding, pick her colours and decide who her bridesmaids are going to be (changing her mind 20 times before she is actually engaged). And then the happiness wears off and the girl is being pushy about being engaged again so the boy brings her ring shopping again. Repeat Cycle. Or Number 2) The boy genuinely wants to be married soon and pick out the right ring. He has no idea what ring to buy, is determining a budget and wants to get a feel for what is out there. But, instead of a buddy, he brings the girl.
I am no expert by any means but when a man is ready to be married, he will ask you to marry him. He is smart, he has heard the “not-so-subtle” hints that you have dropped about the kind of ring you like and your ring size (because let’s face it ladies, when you are ready, you will drop hints). So, let there be an element of surprise when you are engaged, when he opens the tiny box, so you can gasp and cry and try on that ring. Let there be the moment when you can say “I had no idea”.
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